My new real world....

And this is it for the time being I guess.... my new real world is here in the UK and I have to say that after the initial post holiday/journey/travel depression, which I guess was to be expected I am happy with my new existence and the possibilities that it offers me.....

Like the past few weeks has been an up and down roller coaster of "should i go home?", "should i stay?" and pretty much between those two extremes several times each day.... and then I came to the idea that I should just drop the question and let it happen.... and that is what I will continue to do. I think I have spent my whole life with the idea that every decision has to be a big deal and all the positives and negatives have to be weighed up, calculated and then a finally...a RATIONAL decision made based on all the facts and in this case I think it doesnt work. Rather I just needed to relax and let the truth come to me. And the truth is that I love the world and I want to see as much as possible before my time/money/energy/health runs out and I have to return home to recover and pick up the pieces of what I left behind, and that time is not now and that much I know!

I have managed to find happiness in this way of life, working and living a strange life has begun to appeal to me... Canberra was my first step into that world and it had problems as those who knew me at that time would know.... well this is my second attempt at an independent life.... and I can see it working out and that makes me happy.

Nick gave me the lonely planet for Europe on my recent visit to his abode in the country (btw - his family are lovely and Bury is a lovely town.... English country side is so much like driving from Robertson to Moss Vale on the Southern Highlands it made me decidedly homesick and happy to know that when I do return home that I have that waiting for me...) and looking at it reminded me how i am in the best place in the world for myself at the moment! I can't wait to explore europe... next month I get to go to Holland with my mum and will also arrange to meet a few dutch friends i met on my travels..... how cool I think to myself.... And i see all these countries and all their history and realise that this history is part of my history and i realise I will be at home here, a home i never realised i would find so far away from Australia. I am half Dutch => I go to Holland next month! I am .25 Norwegian and i am going there next year and I am .25 the rest of europe and will be going there over the next year many times...... man this is such a must. And then when I am 50 after being married for 20 years I will return, more cashed up, with a car and do it all over again.... and I will be able to remember the child i am now..... and laugh at myself now..... it will be amazing.....

Besides the decision making process I have come to terms with being insignificant.... it's a great feeling i must say. Like in Australia I sort of had a bit of power, smart and experienced so i could find a good job without too much difficulty.... here I am competing against the worlds best..... wow and what a difference it makes! I am going to attack my cv over the next few weeks and make it much more marketable and try may hand in this world, against the best..... Ha, we grow up thinking we are so important and then we get out here and see it all and it really puts us in our place... and i think this is good for us. Thinking you are the best is silly, it is a poor way to find value in yourself.... better do you best and be your best..... and i feel i am heading this way. Like I think about when i finish this journey... I would have been in over 50 countries, spoken several different languages, worked in many different places and most importantly met many many different people. and it is from these people we learn the most.... people are amazing the world over and they have gems of wisdom for us all... all it takes is bothering to talk to someone, open up to them, make them feel happy to talk to you and you find out about another world you never believed existed.... Our worlds are small and my goal is to expand mine as much as possible.... why? well I want to understand the world and it's people as much as possible...why? because i find people so so interesting.... the idea we kill each other, fight wars, hate, love, make families become jealous, have sex, talk, yell, chat, work, walk, run.... I mean we are all people... and we fall into our little box, our corner of the universe and think we have it all sorted and understand things... well that's all good and well if we want to be ignorant..... but one truth i had in my life was i hated injustice and ignorance... and I guess that's why I am out here,.,,,, to kill my ignorance.... as I confess to stupid stereotypes and pure ignorance for much of my life.... and am sorry to those that suffered from these...

Anyway my first ramble for a while... working too much to be able to get online for a long time, but the bosses are away so am online at work.... nice one, glass of wine, my iriver in my ears and rambling thoughts of my mind now on the web. Hope you are all well and will talk soon!

The beginning of something new.....

Decided after a stern talking to from Nick (and a deserved one too) and a few reads of the letter I wrote myself on the plane from New York (the letter was a gee up to give London a go... saying that I will thank myself in the future for really getting stuck in here, as home will always be there and that 10 months really isnt a long time....) that I am staying atleast for now.... no running away like I have done so many other times in my life.....

I think it was getting straight into full time work combined with the fact that I am having a bit of singleitis (i.e. a bit lonely, esp after Nick departed to the country....) and knowing that the world is full of people getting lucky and I am not one of them was getting me down.... Then I realised that I have so much time ahead of me worrying about being alone for a while is stupid and hey one day I will get married and be with someone for like forever... so why rush it hey....

So yes London will be my home for sometime yet I would think....

Plus mum is coming over in September..... how cool is that!!!! and then Dad will come over next year in August.... how could I leave if me being here has dragged the olds out of oz for the first time in 20 years!!!!! I am doing something right I would think.....

Don't have overly much to say as I find that I have all these ideas but when I hit this blogger they fade away and the flow of writing stops. But I have music now, which is a great thing!!! Music and like heaps of it, 8500 songs!!!!! So music is back in my life (well it never really left as the guitar was there which was cool). Pub work is good fun and am totally used to it now... we have many locals and lots of fancy people that come in to eat and drink and get really drunk... and they tip well.... getting between 15 - 25 pounds a shift in tips, which is great I reckon. Also the office job prospects are not too bad. Am in the running for a 12 month contract with a French Bank, BNP Paribas, so fingers crossed I get a go at that, will be in internal staff budgeting etc so I think I should be able to handle that... once again type cast as the accountant, but French bank..... mmmmm.... maybe get to go and work in Paris a bit, now that would be cool!!! Pipe dreams at this stage but knowing that these sorts of things are possible gives me the courage to stay here and see what happens.....

Also dying to get back into the gym and get fit and full of energy as it aint long before that dreaded London winter comes.... man it's like meant to be 10 times worse than winter in Canberra (can that really be possible!?!?!) so have to get fit and healthy before the attack of depression and unhealthy living comes on. Am hitting the multivitamins and eating healthy already in anticipation.

Oh and everyone here has an Ipod... like Apple must love this place, everyone is so keen to walk and not talk to anyone, esp. in the Tube!!!!, that they have this music in their ears all the time and they are all IPods... well I wear my big ear muff earphones with pride and my IRiver kicks the arse of IPod cause it's different!!! (that's right yeah, different is cool...!@?!?!). Well I think it's cool. You really see the digital world destroy human to human interaction... but I guess this is the evolution into the digital universe that is the next stage in human evolution.... can't fight progess or the future..... should we want to???

Also shaking off the last sicknesses of South America (and Cuba...grgrgrgr) - Don't laugh Jess!!! So once that's sorted and all the admin crap like office job, apartment, bank account, tax number etc I will feel great... And the good news is Nick has decided (after all his talk about easy options etc!!!) to come down to London... so the DoFA team will be smashing up the main financial district of Europe in no time..... So as you can tell am up beat at the moment..... Lets just try and make this last.... well I reckon the Gatecrasher techno playing in my earphones is helping my mood... love music!!!!!!

Also plan to start doing some arty shots of London people and stuff in general (if time permits that is..) so watch out for changes to my site!!!

Oh and if you ever read this George, thanks heaps for being here for me right here and right now, without you my start to London would have been rubbish... and Aska too, you have helped me out more than you know!!!!! Cheers ladies!!!!!