The real life continues....

Just finished a four day stint of managing a pub, something interesting, frustrating, enlightening and damn hard work! Tonight was a hugely busy night and i was responsible for it all.... funny when i think about it as i have been in much more respectable positions of employment but still nothing as intense as working and managing this place. So I am still learning new things so it is all good from where i sit i have to say!

Funny thinking about how the last nine months have evolved... been away from oz since 3rd Feb and so many things have been done in that time and i guess my life is now boring again. Working and in a routine... not much more interest in my travels as the travels have come to a bit of a halt... and then you realise that real life continues... keeps on turning and happening and if you want time to pass, to get 'things' out of the way until you have fun then you really have failed in the game of life i reckon. I am waiting until i get to travel again and i think this is stupid. Every day is a chance for adventure, something new, but i think we all resigne ourselves to surviving through life rather than living it... why do we do this? How do we waste our lives like this???? I hope i dont fall further into the trap of just living for some future period of happiness...

Like now i am happy, slightly lonely and a bit over worked but yet i fell good about where i am... pleasures have become more simple but no less pleasant.... no longer seeing mountain ranges of beauty.... rather a melting pot of people that is nearing some climax... London is a crazy place and I sense something will end here soon.... but then again who knows as this place has seen it all... whole place has been burnt down, been bombed... had plagues etc etc and it keeps on going... to some extent i see london as the western civilizations example of the stuborness of white people... never willing to give up even if the road they are headed down is doomed they will make it work some how even if they dont enjoy it they battle on... crazy bastards i think!

My plans are in the air at the moment.... short term ones anyway, still searching for the office job that wont arrive. Dealing with employment agencies that are full of shite and just making a living and saving here in the pub.... still aiming to stay till June and then travel and hey if i dont save enough to travel i will do it anyway...debt is there to be used if it is used as an investment and i think seeing the middle east and central asia incl China in the next year is an awesome investment... the pay offs may or may not be financial but they will make my mind a stronger and more valuable tool for me to use in experiencing the rest of my life!

Off to do some travel with my mum over the next few days which will be a nice change. Seeing mum is so cool .... has reminded me how much i love my family and how much i will enjoy returning one day to see them... but also has shown me that i need not return tomorrow to avoid missing them... My relationship with my family will always be strong and i can return when i am ready,,,, only one member i dont know yet and i will be home in time to ensure i get to know her intimately before she starts to get too old....

All in all i am happy..... and finally, finally i have done something completely on my own.... and that was what one of the big goals of this trip was... to finally do something on my own, without others influencing it or making it happen... So happy to be an adult of independence....

What do I really want...

Sitting here in the pub 35min away from what is going to be a hell of a busy night and just finished having the most in depth 1.5hr convo with a gentleman who came off the street... Intense convo about everything from politics, social structures, economic development etc etc... And it really got me into thinking about what I really want to do....

I must admit that London is not being as I expected it to be.... no office job, and to tell you the truth I don't think it is coming... and really the things about office work I like are all bad things anyway...superficial dressing, a sense of importance which is not linked to your quality of character and of course the money..... hmmmm....well thinking about staying in the pub for the time being...because...well I have little choice as the recruitment firms cant get me a darn job....what really is wrong with my cv??? Anyways you do the best with what you have and that is what I am going to do...

Went for my first nightout clubbing in London last night... a place called fabric (www.fabriclondon.com) really cool.... no drugs, just two beers and lots of dancing.... really enjoyed it.... tired today as a result but there is always a price to pay and this one was worth it!

And in the biggest piece of news.... Mum is coming tomorrow.... so mum and I will get to see each other for the first time in 9months!!!! Could have a kid in that amount of time!!!!

The final straw... but the back didn't break

It has been a tough time deciding whether to stay here or not, umming and arghing about it for so long I almost wanted to hit myself in the head (I think I actually did) for being such a whinger about it. And then I had the big test to see if i really wanted to stay here and give it a go... Yes I lost my passport, which also contains my working visa.... Nice one Lucas, as I hit myself in the head a few more times. Well atleast all that smashing my head into the car seat in the back of the Volvo when I was a child was preparation for something... Well it is going to be the most painful and expensive lesson I have every learnt I would say.... about £250, and for those at home don't even worry about it. Rest assured I could travel to a few cities in Europe for those fund.... and on top of that the waiting in lines and filling in forms I have only just begun.... But from all this (besides a new sense of purpose, a reorganisation of all my stuff etc) I realise that I really want to stay here.... So that's sorted and I feel good about it.

I don't know what to add since my last post. Still slaving away in the pub here, have been offered a supervisors position, but really.... I think it would be a very silly move on my behalf to take it up.... it would be hard work and not really enough cash to be worth it.... but it would be a change so I have thought about it but reckon waiting out until the office job finally arrives is the way to go i think..... patience.... locking myself in here would be a wasted opportunity i would say.

Started going to the gym last week, which has made life feel that much better and almost have a six pack... I think it's more form travel and working here in the pub but once I add the gym to that equation I should be cut in no time.... vain I know but being happy with the way you look really makes you feel better I think.

The longer term plans I guess have to some extent fallen of the radar of late, the symptoms of getting into the daily grind way of life.... living from day to day waiting for those precious times off where you can chill and read and sleep in and do what you want.... PLS note the fact that this is the biggest problem with the world.... the fact that we all work and as Paul Dempsey says "Pray for Friday night to save our lives..." why do we do it? Well in our world we do it to consume.... trade freedom of time and expression (as at work you submit to rules and regs of the boss and orgnanisation at large)... are these sacrifices worth the dvd player or the 3G mobile or the wide-flat-screen tv???? Should these questions need to be asked..... One thing I have learnt here, besides how do deal with people and their petty meaningless rituals, which they have designed to give their meaningless lives structure and some sort of faux meaning, is that we are all slaves..... and the only difference between us is how good our deal is in being a slave i.e. how much we earn and the 'respect' that gets tagged to it.... I mean I have gone from a management position for the Aust Gov to minimum wage.... And all is pretty much the same except society doesnt respect me much anymore and I earn a hell of a lot less.... but either way I am a slave.,... and as I ask, a slave to what end? and then I ask do I have to be a slave? I could continue on this line but will leave it for now... it's 2.30am and i am tired....

As you can see my mind has not stopped..... I am reveling in this change.... I want to work in all sorts of jobs.... hence my desire to get back into sometime old hat aint so strong.... I like knowing things and people.... that is what this is all about....

But besides my rant I am well and happy. I have made some good friends here and will have places to go in Poland, South Africa and NZ after leaving here.... maybe even France too.... All good.....

Just a shame I cant go to Holland with mum as my passport thing will take too long to sort..... well maybe next year hey mum.....