And it starts to get to us all...

This morning felt like everyone in the city got out of bed on the wrong side.... I think there is this point that everyone realises that we are or the door step of winter and it has already been freezing for the past month and there are like four months to go of freezing weather and we all fall out of bed asking the same questions "Why, why, why am I here??? What is the point to all this??? Surely there is a better way to live...". I guess I should consider myself lucky as I have access to that "better way" if that's what we shall call it and I am merely delaying my gratification in exchange for a challenge, an experience and yes some £s to spend travelling.

Reminds me of a little saying. A man says to his friend "I'm so unhappy." And the friend replies: "You're not unhappy mate - you just think you are." So all is well, we just need to fix up our minds... Well I think getting some sun shine would be a help to, but seeing as that is not an option what can be done.... hmmmm grinning and bearing seems the only option.... Rest assured Nick and I considered staying on the Tube all the way to Heathrow and making a run for it.... Unfortunately we had the sense (was it sense of a lack of belief in true freedom?) to get off at Kings Cross and go our respective ways to work....

But yeah London has started to get to me. I think it is the everything inside thing that is getting to me... only outside you experience is from tube to front door.... of home, work or bar.... I want the wide open spaces... Like when I was on the vast expanses of the Salar de Uyuni.... man what a contrast to now.... I don't economic models factor the lack of environment very well into calculating the quality of life for people living in London... trust me it has a big impact on you...

Does know most other people are as unhappy if not more unhappy than you help? Hmmm. Well this lady gets onto the elevator this morning, like she barges in as the doors close... looks at no one and hits the button of here floor... her face is like "ARghhh why is life so hard, why do I put myself through this pain...." and then the elevator stops at a floor and she rushes out, only to find it was not her floor... he face screams "Oh God, oh God .... why why why have you made me live this life!!!". Rest assured after seeing this woman, in addition to feeling decided sorry for her, I felt much better about my life and managed a warm smile at her, in a vain attempt to make her realise that it all is not that bad, that there are worse things like cholera, AIDS, the devastation of war or Cancer to worry about..... We love to find pain in things... I think we seek it... I often in moments of happiness ask my self the internal question "So now, what is the problem" Like my life isnt complete without something to worry and gripe about... don't worry I have fun something after the initial feeling of happiness of seeing this overacting woman... I am insane? Well I am about as insane as the average Londoner.... but I have a ticket out of this asylum, don't think many of the other 7 million people here do....

Winter Solstice

The best thing about doing something repetitive in a place like London is that when it all gets you down you can put your head up and think "Well at least I got my arse into gear and did something different by doing the same old thing on the other side of the world....". Ha, funny but it is kinda true you know. As I make the walk home from the tube, in now what is always dark, as it gets dark here at like 4.30pm, I do think this... it feels cool to be so far away from what was... and also so close to what is to be.

I have been thinking about the Winter solstice a lot of late and it all makes sense to me why all those pagans in the past used to (and probs still do in their dungeons in leather and sniffing nitrous etc) party and sacrifice virgins and the like on the shortest day of the year... What a celebration they thought! Bastard cold is leaving once again and the sun will once again return... so hey.. lets kill a hot chick that has never had a good taking care of... hmmm well maybe that aint so cool... but I agree with the happiness that comes from this great day.... This year the 22nd December... So I think I will celebrate this day... not sure how... and I doubt any virgins will be involved... but a sign of respect for the summit of London winter being reached is worth some kind of celebration...

And life? Well it is a process of growing up day by day.... Learning that yesterday I knew nothing and today I know even less.... but it is truly an adventure. The gym is an important part of daily life, although I have to remind myself I am going there with "Sporty Nick", hence I should not feel too bad about not breaking even muscle fiber in my body in every session like he does... But benefits are around and after doing something very silly (but enjoyable!).... yes I like Jerry Seinfeld before me... yes I shaved my chest.... and under that hair was a nearly finished fine Australian six-pack... four beers... and only two to go... I guess my workplace chocolate stash... plus other eating binges with Farah will have to end before the last two beers can appear... but hey... would it really be worth it.... we will find out....

Work has been pretty cool and I can to some extent see potential as I get to call people in Ghana, Kenya, Serbia, Uzbekistan... to name a few places... Okay we are talking about credit card sales and ATM transaction numbers but hey.... it gets you seeing more of the world in a way and that is what it's all about....

Future plans? Well who knows.... as I find myself more and more each day ready to give up the life of eternal singledom for the arms of my love I start to adjust expectations and life goals.... like imagine never living in your own country for much of your life.... Something I never thought (although I confess to having dreamt of it many a time...) would happen... but now it is a possiblilty. Although early days in my time with Farah it is nice to dream and one of these dreams could be me learning French and living in Canada.... imagine saying "mom" and "Aboot"... ha! Well at least I will be in the company of a Marty... as it seems Crouchy is considering the same possibilities.... And hey who could ever say no to two passports... oh and international children... and a cultured worldly lifestyle... not bad for a Borough Boy! No need to worry family... I will be back.. I am but merely speculating

Well just a quick ramble to let you know I am alive.... learning (going to public lectures), being cultured (going to opera), being sociable (going to the walkabout), spiritual (going to Hillsongs) and being happy (being with Farah). Life is always an adventure... but yes getting out of bed at 7am when it's -2C....it's always a challenge too!

The cold is here

It took its time coming and I think that can be mainly thanks to a year that one would be forgiven for thinking was the beginning of Global Warming becoming a painfully obvious reality. It's below zero outside and I am in bed with a bennie on... mmmm nice I say. This morning was a sunny frosty morning so beautiful... but i know that the norm for this place is grey and cold but i will take the good when it comes and in my suit and coat walking in the streets was lovely!

Live like no one is watching

I am beginning to try and understand what defines me as a person and I guess really what I can do to define myself. What avenues do I have in this life to express who I am to myself and to others? And why do I want to define myself at all.... Does there need to be a "definite" me? Or can I merely exist and that suffice, hence taking the Zen Buddhism attitude towards things...

As I look around myself it becomes clear that identity is a very important thing to people these days. But what I can see is the superficial world and therefore it is the material that will define people... So what defines me to others? The suit I wear and my hair cut... did I shave today... But surely there is more... Well do I smile on the tube during my journey to and from work? When someone tries to get into the doors of the tube when they close upon him; Do I pretend it isn't happening? Do I smile and show a facial expression of a knowing understanding, trying to form a general consensus with those on the tube as to the life that is transport, is an odd one.... but still a life we all share? Or do I look at my shoes (are they clean enough??), or at the map on the wall... which stop are we at? How many stops till home? What was that about a defective train??? Which line???? Delays????

It's funny... at present I spend 2hours a day in transit, I sleep 7hrs, work for 8.5hr (including lunch), spend 1hr doing gym, 1hr reading or listening/playing music, 2hr in prep for life (shower, food etc) and maybe another 2.5hrs either surfing net or drifting off to sleep.... so 2/(17-8.5).... about 1/4 of my "free time" is spent on the tube.... and what an interesting place it is.... The last few days I have spent the time reading... I have to say I feel like I am missing something... do I read to make the time go fast and pretend I am not there? Well yeah and I am sure that's what most others do too... Oh the Metro (the London paper free on the tube...)!! People love the metro and playing shoducu squared or whatever that numbers in a box game is on the last page... anything to pretend you're not there..... Well I want to be there... My favourite game is to listen to music and rock out (most others listen to ipod and not move a muscle, eyes forward... FEET TOGETHER!!! Which tube stop was that? Check map, avoid eye contact... okay three stops to go.....Oh cheap mobile phone calls to Nigeria!!! Might have to text that number, gives me £5 in free credit.. nice!), have a little dance and check out peoples reactions.... Bastard! That's what they think... crazy guy bumping into me.... into MY personal space.... MY SPACE! How rude is this guy.... But some smile and think about the music they love... or someone they love or a time they love..... The game I play is cracking the shell.... Hear and Now boys!!! I hate the idea of pretending you're not where you are.... embrace the moment... be here....and now!
So what defines me? And who is watching? The way I live every moment is what defines me; If I hate my time and avoid existing in the moment, preferring to pretend I am “out of time”, a skill I mastered on 36hr bus rides in South Amercia, then I don’t exist… This I am trying to avoid. And people? Who’s watching? Nobody… Which is the best excuse to not only dance, but also live like nobody’s watching…. If no one was watching what would you do different?

Freedom!!!!

It finally has arrived and now I am once again able to travel the world.... Man talk about a run around of time and money all because I am an idiot... but now that has passed... I have a passport with a visa in it for the UK so I am legally living here once again and if I feel like it.... like seriously if I wanted to I could go to Holland for the weekend and then maybe Spain for Christmas.... oh yes... I am in London with money and a passport.... what more could i want???? Well now I can look at Ryanair.com and actually book a flight knowing i can travel. And this is extra good as I have a week booked in Austria in January for skiing, now I know I can go..... Yes Yes Yes!!!!!!! I have now dealt with the Australian Embassy/Consulate in 5 countries; Nepal, Argentina, Bolivia, Colombia and the Uk... lets hope the next time I am in one is because I got a posting there because I work for DFaT.....